I was meditating in my back yard, listening to the symphony of cardinals, wrens, and doves, supported by the percussion of frogs and cicadas. I was lost in the pleasure of the sounds of nature and the beating of my own heart, when I heard, “Write about the retreat”. I don’t generally respond well to direct orders, but I have learned when those kinds of transmissions come in from my soul, it is best to listen and do what I’m told.
So I went to Remembrance in June over Summer Solstice weekend in Oregon. I never went to camp as a kid. No girl scout camp. No church camp. No summer camp. No science, band, or math camp. Remembrance wasn’t exactly summer camp – according to the website it was going to be a “4-night 3-day immersion into Pleasure, Power, and Feminine Leadership“, held at the Illuminate Temple in Ashland, Oregon. How I ended up connecting with the facilitators of the retreat, Dr. Erin Pollinger and Khadoma Colomby is a story all it’s own. For now, suffice it to say, that the universe has ways of putting people in our lives to make magic happen and make our dreams come true. So at the ripe old age of 56, I finally got to go to camp!
Retreat
Retreat: a physical withdrawal, a place of refuge, a period of dedicated time of reflection and spiritual growth.
Perfect definition for Remembrance.
It was a physical withdrawal from all of the demands of daily life – the relationships, the expectations, the news, the social media, the pressures of career and family.
It was a place of refuge – a group of women gathered together in trust and love and safety – safe enough to be vulnerable and connect deeply with each other. We were set off on a hill side, guarded by selenite, separated from the daily grind, the pressures of life and the dystopian society evolving around us.
It was 3 days and 4 nights of dedicated time to reflect and grow spiritually – to spend time in meditation, sharing, and self-reflection; to learn about and connect with The Dark Goddess, The Queen Seductress, and the Warrioress Creatrix.
POWER, PLEASURE, AND PEACE
I have confided the juicy details of Remembrance to the women in my life that I knew would hold it sacred and honor my experience; those that would be curious and not judgmental.
I enthused about womb space meditations, feminine archetypes, tantric dance and entrainment energy work.
I gushed about the power of the pussy and how pleasure can be used to fuel our desires and magnetize our greatest dreams.
I divulged the details of the Inanna ritual, the sex magick experience, making love to nature, and all the other activities and rituals that I was privileged to experience.
The entire experience was very woo-woo and witchy and tantalizing. These were the kind of experiences that have been calling to me and teasing me. I have been flirting with them for years. My desire for them to be part of my being have been living just on the outskirts of my life. They have always been within reach. I was just too afraid to reach out and grab onto them.
I have often sneaked a peek through a crack in that door. How I have longed to lunge across the threshold into something magical. The retreat kicked opened that door to the magical life I have desired – the door that had been blocked by years of religious hoard – beliefs that I thought were treasures, that were really just garbage keeping me from walking through the door to the great wide open.
Out in that great wide open is where we can have a connection to the earth and the spiritual realm. We all have a natural longing for that place. For so long, I thought the only way to satisfy that longing was to walk through the doors of a church. Organized religion was not all it was cracked up to be, and had not served me well. It left me with layers of guilt and fear – fear of a “jealous God” and an eternity of damnation and torture.
But the longing for a spiritual practice and soul connections was still there. My soul was craving some nourishment. My soul has been hungering for a spiritual practice. Hungering for a sisterhood.
The night of the Inanna ritual was like finding an oasis in the desert. After that night, I wrote in my journal:
…Being fed and nourished and supported by my Kristen and Beth changed my whole course – it was like a course correction…a righting of a ship lost at sea. It could not have happened that way with anyone else. They were my angels – my spiritual lovers. I had no idea my soul was longing for so much – and never expected them to fill it.
I have been longing for something that brings me hope and love and connection and joy and strength – something that fills me with fire, freedom, and peace. I found all of that and so much more at Remembrance.
REMEMBRANCE
This retreat helped me remember the desire that I have for that connection to the spiritual realm.
I remembered that I have all the creative force of the universe inside me.
I remembered that I don’t have to follow some man made set of rules to live a happy life.
I remembered that I am creative.
I remembered that I am strong and brave and beautiful.
I can receive goodness from others and from the universe.
I have the power within me to make my dreams come true.
I don’t have to focus on all the negative in the world.
I am worthy of all of the love and goodness in the universe.
For the first time in long time, I have a peace in my soul.
The universe seems big and beautiful and full of possibilities and options.
It makes sense.
I’m not afraid.
This retreat was an answer to prayer. And I’m still searching. Still discovering. Still being curious and experimenting. But the guilt and the fear and the hypocrisy is gone.
The peace has presented itself.
It is magic. I remembered.
Silverlining Strong 