Silver Lining Strong

Good morning, Sunshine.
I was feeling lots of emotions early this morning.
Couldn't sleep last night.
Sleep has been challenging lately.
An earlier bedtime would certainly fix all of it 
or at least most of it.
But there are conversations being had and 
love being made and 
dreams being delivered that have priority over the extra couple of hours of sleep.  
There are worries being softened.
There are hearts being fertilized.
There are ties that bind being reinforced and 
new stakes being pushed into the ground. 
There are breasts being touched and lips being kissed.
There are new places being explored 
and old routes being appreciated. 

So many things happening during those hours.
Those hours that sleep is calling
and wanting tended to, 
wanting paid attention to.
She is patient and giving and so flexible. 
Sometimes she pouts and demands to be played with.
Sometimes she refuses to come out to play,
refuses to show up because she thinks, 
     "I wasn't important before.
                      Why am I important now?"
Her feelings get hurt, 
and she can be a little vindictive,
and not be there for me when I need her.
But we still love each other.
We still spend time together every night.

Last night I had promised her I would be there at 8:30.
I gave her my word.
I'm sorry I broke my promise, 
but someone needed me more than I needed you at that moment.
I was just running late.
I was hoping you'd be there,
holding our reservation.
You looked so beautiful in the soft light, 
and you are absolutely radiant in the inky darkness 
behind my eye mask. 
But you were upset.
I could tell. 
From the moment I crawled into bed
I could feel the cold shoulder.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I'll do better tomorrow.
I love you.
I need you. 

But you needed to feel your feelings, too.
You let me gaze upon your beauty.
We even danced for a moment and 
I held your hand
but you pulled away.
There was no warmth.
I shivered.
I worried. 
I tried to give you what you needed.
I tried. 
I gave you an extra blanket,
but it was still cold.
You were hurt.
Disappointed.
I gave you a different pillow.
More darkness to accentuate your dramatic features.
But you were hurt.
Nothing helped and as much as I tried,
      you walked away. 
I looked at the clock.
3:07 a.m.
and you were just gone.

You were so politely noisy.
You pulled the door softly and walked out -
and hit every creaking board on the way across the room.
I had to just let you be.
Sitting there alone, I scrolled through my phone,
watched some videos,
picked up a book to read.
All of the things you usually like.
Like cooking your favorite meal
or
playing your favorite song.
Saying all the words that soften you and 
make you rush to me,
begging to be inside of me.
But you were hurt
and I think you took my glasses when you walked out.
You knew the book was your soft spot.
You wouldn't be able to resist me if I started to read.

Finally,
I surrendered.
I shuffled down the hall
into the arms of another.
I crawled into his bed and there you were.
He was so pleased that I had retreated to his space.
'I need to be held', I whispered.
He wrapped his arms around me.
I could feel you.
It was his arms and his body
but it was your warmth,
your sweetness...
mmmmm.
You softened. 
You had been lying with him and waiting for me.
He didn't need you any more.
I was hoping you would be there - 
a last desperate attempt to apologize,
to make up, 
to give you my attention
so you could perform that sweet magic that you do so well.
He tucked us in.
Put pillows around us and made sure the eye mask was over my eyes so I could see your full radiant beauty.
As he left, 
you caressed my body ever so gently.
A few strokes of love,
of forgiveness
and then you pressed your soft, gentle body so firmly against mine and gave me what I had been longing for.
No struggle.
No restlessness.
No shivers.
Just sweet sleep.
Making love to me like only you know how to.